laugh yer ass off here....

[Myra]

*picks up my ass n walks out*

------------------
Everyone thinks i am insane.... all but my friends deep inside the earth......

[Më£ïñÐa]

*LMAO*

[Moby]

Study of the Male anatomy

In 1991, University of Kentucky funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and 180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the University of Kentucky published the study, Ohio State University decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The University of West Virginia, unsatisfied with these findings, spent $13.27 (for a Playboy, a Penthouse, and a case of Old Milwaukee) and concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.


------------------
((((((MOBY))))))

Yesterday's History....Tomorrow's Mystery

Mobyville

[Moby]

FROM: Pat Smith, HR Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1


I'm happy to inform you that the office Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit
Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our General Manager shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

FROM: Pat Smith, HR Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party


In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees
who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?

FROM: Pat Smith, HR Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,"AA
Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?

FROM: Pat Smith, HR Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party


What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and intimacy
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate
how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees
beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end
of the party, or else package everything for take-home in little foil
swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters
Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will
get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything?

FROM: Pat Smith, HR Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party


So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a
tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning
of sage by our "earth-based Goddess worshipping" employees, but we'll try
to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.
Okay???

FROM: Pat Smith, HR Director
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday Party


People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our principal
dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to
be Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit. "It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family
feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.
Could we lighten up?

FROM: Pat Smith, HR Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party Vegetarians!?!?!?


I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at uigi's
Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at
the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponics
tomatoes...but you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them scream right now!

FROM: Karen Jones, Acting HR Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Smith and Holiday Party


I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Smith a speedy recovery from
her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her
at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full
pay.

Happy Chanuk-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!


------------------
((((((MOBY))))))

Yesterday's History....Tomorrow's Mystery

Mobyville

[Më£ïñÐa]

*applause
good 1 Moby! and perfect for the season
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[past7]

...........shhhhh..